Why focusing on others is step one on my journey of personal growth

In my previous life as a consultant between working out, eating, taking calls, and actually doing my work, I would maybe have 1–2 “free” hours that could be used to connect with friends outside of work on weekdays. On the surface this may seem like ample time to reconnect and maintain healthy relationships. However in reality, by the end of 6+ hours of energetic meetings and 10+ hours total of work, I rarely had the energy required for further social interaction. This “free” time was often eaten up just trying to switch off and rest my brain, whether via mind-numbing reality TV, scrolling through recipes on Pinterest, or reading escapist novels. In my daily habits tracker I even included a row that just said “Mom” to make sure I was texting, messaging, or calling with some frequency!!! In summary, like so many of us, a few years post graduation the number of people I saw or spoke to regularly shrunk significantly, and the frequency with which I spoke to even my favorite people took a massive hit.

I always felt like there genuinely were not enough hours in the day. In a moment of peak stress I actually scribbled down a version of the following to help capture the state of my mind at the time and what felt so overwhelming.

I felt that the sheer volume of time and energy devoted to “Work” was forcing tradeoffs with every other part of my life that I also cared about immensely. In the coming weeks I’ll do my best to focus on a bubble or two at a time.

Though I have been aware of the science that proves that meaningful relationships are more important for our happiness and wellbeing than work, I just have not had the time or energy needed to make the sweeping changes I desperately wanted to manifest.

Fast forward to Juliette on a sabbatical.

When I first set out to write this week’s post, I thought — well… I haven’t finished a new book this week, I haven’t started a new language learning process, I’m behind on the Coursera courses I had wanted to kick off. While all of that is true, I believe this week — and the past few — the focus has been less on myself and my own inner growth and a lot more on building connections with others. I’ve been busy rebuilding relationships I’ve neglected as well as forming new ones.

The first few weeks after taking time off work, every call brought me some anxiety, and so I continued to avoid a lot of phone calls/catch ups/text messages. However, now well rested and no longer overstimulated from talking to my colleagues for so many hours daily (I still love and miss you all, but you know what I’m talking about!), I have rediscovered my inner extrovert and I am eager and excited to talk and connect once more.

In another time, perhaps this well-rested Juliette would be hosting epic dinner parties that help establish new connections and demonstrate my new found cooking skills. But this is a pandemic so instead today this energy is manifesting in some rather different ways:

• Hosting one household at a time (with 5 days in between) at our little cottage in Pacific Grove: Hosting is such a special way to invest in relationships. I’m a big believer that the best conversations happen while adventuring, and probably in the 10th+ hour of being together. Having guests stay with us and exploring the beautiful area together is really special and honestly such a joy. Most recently we had my sister stay for 4 nights and I can’t remember the last time we had so much time together the two of us which was really special :)
• Responding to as many of the messages as I can regarding my MBA post: Historically I’ve had a bit of a #strangerdanger mindset regarding meeting new people. However, as I hear the incredible stories of people reaching out to me about the leaps of faith they’ve taken in their own lives (or are considering), I feel inspired by how many amazing people are out there and I am eager to get to know them all (whether we previously knew each other or not). The response to the MBA post has been slightly overwhelming, so I know I’m a little behind on getting back to everyone — but really every single message is so encouraging and motivates me to keep writing and pushing through the anxiety of posting in the hopes that my ramblings might actually be useful or interesting to others. (Also saw this fun paper that apparently talking to strangers makes us happier!)
• Continuing to engage with the little book club I started with some of my best friends from Princeton: This is slightly ironic because I didn’t join last week — sorry team! But I wanted to give a shout out to this little community that we were able to pull together during the lockdown. Many of my best friends live really far away. Before the lockdown this meant we spoke rarely and saw each other a few times a year. However, all being trapped at home somehow made the geographic barriers disappear. I’m so grateful that now we have a Sunday night tradition of catching up on our lives and discussing interesting books. I really encourage others to do something similar. Especially if you’re feeling disconnected or physically far from your favorite folks! We’ve been alternating between fiction and non-fiction and have read some really great books (some favorites include Sula by Toni Morrison and Invisible Women by Caroline Criado Perez)
• Getting legally married (!!!): In addition to all the other relationship building, I’ve been quite literally building my relationship with Antonio. We legally became family this past weekend and can’t wait to celebrate with more friends and family in the future when people can do important wedding things like gathering… and traveling….

I’m excited to keep connecting with people over the next week as well as diving into some of the courses I have lined up. One of my next priorities is to learn how to learn. I am determined to ensure that I don’t just absorb and then forget new information. I want to make sure that a) I commit meaningful knowledge to long-term memory and b) I am continually using this additional knowledge to push myself forward and evolve in my beliefs, opinions, attitudes, and direction in life.